Work's been pretty crazy, more and more work gets piled on as the days go past this week. To think that I even had half a mind to apply for leave, just to have a break. Guess that won't be happening anytime soon. Maybe after the review paper is written.

But having said that, I thoroughly enjoy work. Even though the coupling reaction that I recently carried out gave me the opposite anomer to the one that I want, I somehow find myself enjoying it. Heck.. it means I have to go back and make more starting material, and try the coupling reaction a few more times, but oh well. The work environment that I am in makes a whole lot of difference. Lab mates who are optimistic (way more optimistic than I am) and smart, and supervisors who are passionate about chemistry makes what I do more a challenge than a dread. I can tell when my supervisor is excited about what I do, because he would come running into the lab, looking for me, asking me how my reaction went, whether the building blocks coupled, and whether I made the alpha or the beta product! And then I can tell he's REALLY excited when I go in for my individual meeting to present them with NMR data which I just got in the morning, only to find that M was so impatient to find out the results, he had already logged in and checked for my results!

Alright, enough about geeky work. Everything's going pretty fine here. Coping with the breakup is quite a challenge, and it came with more frustrations than I expected- some were with Dan, but most of them were internal issues that I have to wrestle with. I have come to realise that no one will really understand, and it is a journey that I have to go through on my own. I find myself clinging on to God's words and his plans for my life. I have no clue what it is...but it better be worth all the pain. Not to say that clinging on to God's words have been easy. Firstly, it's not very tangible. And secondly, my human brain is still struggling to understand what greater good God wants to bring out of this. But in the mean time, I will just have to go with the flow of life, embracing every aspect of it and being thankful for all the good things that I have.

Hand in My Pocket
Alanis Morissette

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

----------------------------

I haven't really got it all figured out,

but everything's gonna be fine fine fine.

monday.
the usual yumcha at max brenners. still tired from last week because sunday's supposed to be my recovery day but tracy made me drink dicken's beer last night just so it would finish faster making it able for her to go back to the hotel earlier..so my sunday recovery/detox day was ruined. *GLARE. though of course i don't mind la haha. so i came home for a nap..but before even 15 minutes into it my friend ronald called saying "we're at rooftop bar come quick!" i say "drinks? no thanks..it's my belated recovery day..not drinking today" he says "dinner?" i say "yeah dinner sounds good..come pick me up when you're done with rooftop" he says "no you come here..i promise i won't force you to drink..but everyone is here..so..come!" so i dragged my ass to rooftop..where guess what? i got forced to drink T.T sigh friends and their empty promises these days..

tuesday.
we checked the weather forecast yesterday which said it was going to be 26 degrees today! so to the beach it is )) seriously melbourne has been deprived of sunlight/heat for way too long. it's halfway through spring (my favourite season!) but it's still generally around 10 to 15 degrees i think rawr. and so..lynn (my housemate) dragged me out of bed in the morning. and we went for dimsum as brunch! it's been SOOOO long since i last went for dimsum. like a year probably..seriously. so it was really good then we took a train to altona..this is also the first time i'm going out of the city after soooo long..come to think of it i've never been out of the city except chadstone and boxhill heh. so yeah..spent the evening just lying down on the sand enjoying the weather got hungry so we headed over to a little cafe near the beach for food..i had ceaser salad and a beer. i heart ceaser salad and i heart beer so yay! we eventually got tired so we headed back to the city. went home for a shower and out again to watch final destination in 3D..i hate 3D movies bleh the glasses give me migrains. plus the movie wasn't even good so..rawr.

wednesday.
*phone ringing* *presses pillow against ears* *phone doesn't stop ringing* finally picked up and got dragged out to lunch. my friend didn't even allow me to shower because he knows i'll take at least 30 minutes so..yeah i didn't even get to shower! rawr. it was nice and sunny again today so i didn't mind a bit accompanied him for lunch and lied down on the grass in front of the state library lol. then met up with lynn and some others at mr tulk for the usual yumcha session..but it was nice and sunny so we had beers instead of coffee but haih just when i got all settled and comfy it was time for me to leave for work oh wells. work was the usual.

thursday.
SUNNY AGAIN! got dragged out of bed 9ish omg. this time to st kilda beach! we had awesome lunch of fresh oysters/chilli mussels/fish and chips/lamb chops at beachcomber..this cafe situated right by the beach! so good. then we took a long walk along the beach..and finally settled at another cafe for desserts. and beer of course. then back to the city..and off to work again.

friday.
weather was just alright today. sunny but cold wind so i just lazed around at home till it was time for work. friday night..quite busy la. but fun nonetheless..and after-work drinks ))

saturday.
sunny! )) planned on going to rooftop bar to just sit under the sun but omg the place was SO packed! grr. so we walked down all the way to federation square..and settled for brunch at timeout. ceaser salad, fat chips, and a mojito. i craved beer so badly but refrained myself due to the ever bulging beer belly that i have then we went for a little shopping after that! just a little la..i'm dead broke. lately i've been spending way more on food and almost nothing on shopping..which is a good thing i guess *shrug. then off to work as usual.

and as usual..saturday nights with the silk road crew is awesome. considering i already had a few shots while i was working..i was all ready for the after-work drinks! so the dj stopped spinning and the lights were turned on..and the people were leaving and soon the doors were shut. and that's when we brought on the beers and blasted the music tonight there was even cake! i think it was a belated birthday cake for my manager jerry..i think. anyway my friend shane's favourite song started playing and he got all excited and started pole dancing and slowly..stripping! hahah not everything off la but it was damnnnnnnnn funny! we were all choking in laughters. went on till the bar manager was like.."okay enough for tonight..seriously we're out of tap asahi" *POUTTTT. so we decided to go for supper..three cars full of drunk noisy people headed over to china bar..it was probably 5ish in the morning already. the car i was in had four people in the backseat..which is illegal in australia. i was sitting on someone's lap when we saw a police car ahead and so i had to curl myself up and hide at like..er..the feet area? i felt like i was five years old all over again because really my parents always made me do that when i was a kid lol. so china bar..ah. it's called china bar but it's not actually a bar..it's just like a chinese fast food restaurant. we ordered ten beers. then my friend ash who was the last to arrive (because he was drunk so he walked really slow and went to pee etc) made the grand-est entrance ever by coming in and announcing realllllly loudly "OKAY BEFORE WE START WITH THE FOOD..SHOTS ANYONE? HMMMMMM HOW MANY OF US ARE THERE? ONE..TWO..THREE..EH? I LOST COUNT. WHATEVER. WHAT SHOTS DO YOU GUYS WANT? WET PUSSY OKAY OKAY?!" wet pussy is really a name of a shot la but all of us immediately covered our faces and went "oh noooooooooooooooo". especially the few of us who are chinese and actually knew what was going on..basically the aussies (ash is aussie) thought that we were at a bar lol. we were damn malu but five seconds later all of us just burst out laughing because we were all pretty drunk as well and it was kindaa funny la heh but damn malu with all the people at the other tables staring at us as if we were retarded. it didn't even stop there..we told ash this is a restaurant and not a bar..he goes "okay i know i know" then calls for the waitress and goes "okay this place sucks because you don't have shots..well just get me a vodka cranberry" SWT we all just burst out laughing all over again -.- finally got home at 7ish.

sunday.
my recovery day lazed around at home the whole day drinking nothing but green tea..and went for dinner at the restaurant downstairs. and here i am now having spaghetti bolognese for supper.

so that was my week. i'd say it was a really good week because the weather this week has been exceptionally awesome! it better stay like that..it's supposed to be spring!

The long Labour Weekend consisted of a mish-mash of happenings, lazy days spent lounging around the house was interspersed with catch up sessions with good friends whom I haven't been able to keep in touch with for a while. Ahhh.. good (sometimes even deep) conversations about life, relationships and things that matter to those of us with mutual interest really fires up the spirit. I'm looking forward to more of that as I'm only halfway through my long labour weekend!! Whoopee! Believe it or not, it's my first holiday since I got back to work in July, and a much needed one indeed. Guess that's what you get when you work in a lab where your supervisors do not observe weekends, much less public holidays!

But the washing machine has beeped, and my bathrobe is all soft-and-fluffy (cos I finally gave in and bought softener) PS: Ping I so understand how u feel about writing about the mundane things that are so important to you, and yet seem so trivial when put into words. So I'm going to sign off, hang my laundry, curl up in bed with the new Jamie Oliver Magazine and perhaps doze off!

Things to do for the rest of the holiday:

1) catch up with 3 other bunch of friends.
2) Bake 2 cakes, maybe.
3) Read some review articles.
4) Prepare for Catalyst bible study.
5) Make some trendy corsages from buttons and pretty fabric (they've been on my to-do-list for wayyy too long).
6) Do the laundry

Odd but true: If you can't love someone, it's easier to be angry at the person.

They're totally opposite feelings, but it momentarily alleviates the pain. It works well especially in a public setting when you need to maintain composure and keep a straight face. However, not so well in a relaxed mode, especially when alone, or even worse when you are watching a movie which is meant to trigger your waterworks. What happens is your mind follows the storyline, but your heart replaces what you should feel (for the characters in the movie) with what you feel for yourself. The end-result is the same- tears stream down your face. But really, what are you crying about?

Every part of me seems to want to act opposite to what I should do... When unguarded, I find myself using every reason I can to replace sadness with anger. Something, someone to blame. But I know bitterness will get me nowhere, and I have to constantly pray that I will allow God to live in me... that I may act/speak/think in a manner that will be worthy of His grace. It's such a real struggle, and it weighs me down. I know I need to let go... I know I need to let God. But it's hard to forgive, when there is no remorse. Grace is what I received through the cross, a gift I did not deserve, Lord help me to extend grace.

oh it's been soooo long. where should i even start? past few weeks/months have been..mundane. same routine lifestyle; bum around on mondays and tuesdays, work and get drunk (free drinks how could i say no?) from wednesday to saturday and recover on sundays. i'd say everything is going good

jack came over from adelaide to celebrate his early 21st here about two weeks back. and carol came over from brissy as well! so i had a good weekend..bringing them around etc. well it mostly involved just shopping..collins street everyday sometimes even twice a day pfft. and oh. the clubbing at lavish. birthday boy wasn't even drunk..but me? i couldn't remember how we got back home from the club. carol told me we walked. i told her that's just impossible..lavish is in a whole different suburb. but yeah..photos proved i was wrong. anything is possible..especially when you're drunk omg.

next weekend was the asian night at silk road (where i work) so..yeah. exhausting but good i guess. everyone came! everyone got drunk without me some random broke a glass..i picked it up and stabbed myself understaffed so i was doing about ten things at the same time but when it was all over and the drinks started.. ))

shit i think i sound like an alcoholic. which i'd say i'm not because i'm not addicted to it..i just like it? *shrug.

so anyway..last night! godskitchen 2009! it's a huge rave and apparently a must-go if you're in melbourne..according to a certain someone named calvin teoh. so when the tickets were released about six months ago i was going to get them but none of my friends wanted to go with me..so i didn't get them. and just three days before the event my other friends started talking about it making me desperate to go..but tickets were sold out so haih. had to ask around and blah and finally managed to get the tickets for double the price of what i would've paid if i had bought it six months ago rawr! and that's not even the worst part. i had to work..but i assumed i could get off work at about midnight. the thing goes from 10.00pm to 7.00am so midnight would be the perfect time to go anyway. but at midnight guess what we were slammedddd at work. no prizes for guessing what my manager said when i asked if i could sign off haih. had to stay at work till 1ish..every minute that passed from midnight got me more and more annoyed with work so i helped myself at the bar finally managed to get there at 2ish..completely tipsy and just in time for cosmic gate come to think of it it wasn't too bad at all..if i had finished work early like i had planned then i would've spent so much on drinks at godskitchen. so yeah. i practically didn't spend anything that night..just two bottles of mineral water. heh ))

tracy will be in melbourne this weekend so i foresee another exhausting weekend yay ))