i typed a freakin huge post yesterday and i just realised it didnt get posted. wtf. sigh.

haven't been blogging so long and when i did, this kinds of things happened. this will so deter me from blogging ish.

anyway, will update again when i have the time..

i dont remember whether i blogged recently, but i think i did. and the entry never got posted. sometimes, i really feel like giving up in blogging. despite the many attempts of desperately trying to get my entry published, i still long piak. is it a sign?

i'm prob comin back tmr because my stupid extracts can't be frozen for me to go thru freezedrying. i put them in the freezer at -80°C for 3 blooody days and 2/3 are still in liquid form. so i can't do my freezedrying on thurs as planned. and i have nth better to do already, so im comin back tmr. because i havent freeze dried my extracts yet, i've to come back to do it once my group members are done with theirs. most prob, it'll be on sun morning. if that's the case, i've to come back to kl on sat, which means i'm gonna miss su ann and the damn clubbbing outing I FREAKING PLANNED!!

okie, calm down sharontan. it's no biggie, just clubbing what. chill la. but but but.. i haven't clubbed with U SU ANN ever before!! and the next time i ever have the chance, ai ping wont be here anymore. uggh.

the past few weeks have been fun. girlfriends really make ur day. bimbotic giggles, hours of walking/shopping, dancing/clubbing, making ppl tell ghost stories & freak ourselves out in the end, flashing ***** etc. life seems so much more simpler when u're surrounded by great company. the kind of company that u won't be conscious that; u're wearing ur retainer and look ultra geeky, u're walkin around everwhere with just panties and bra (or without), u snort aloud, u sing offkey out loud, the list goes on..

now that all of u are back home, it does get alil lonely here. esp u ap. it's so weird sleeping alone, so weird comin back in the afternoon and u're not there on the phone all teary-eyed. i dont mean that i missed seeing u crying, of coz i'd rather u be happy its just that, i miss ur presence. i felt like i had a roommate for a week, and its been a pretty long time since i last had one.

i thought i was fine. but i guess today proved otherwise. ppl say crying makes a person feels better. i say it's bullshit. why am i still a wreck after the tears? i don't know. i guess i was just pushing my emotions aside. a lil push is all it takes to unleash all the feelings pent up inside me. i'm like a walking bomb, with my finger on the detonator. one lil push.. *poof*

i've been searching for answers. been thinking about it before i sleep. while at work. i just don't seem to understand why. i guess the only obvious explanation is that ppl change. ppl move on. ppl leave the past behind. but i'm still here. still stuck. still hoping for things to be the same. at the same time i conditioned my brains to move on. yet my heart is still pining for the good old days. i'm lost. lost in this lil world on my own.

i feel like i've been forced to grow up, to mature. to realise that the world is not as simple as it seems. behind every simple thing, there's a dense network of complexity. i hate to admit that i've been living in denial. but today i came to terms with it. i know i've been trying to hold back to the past so hard that i closed the paths to future. i think i found my way, though my questions were not answered. figured i can't wait any longer. i need to continue this lonely path. but today, i realised another thing. that i'm not alone.

my self-declared holiday officially ended yesterday. now i'm back to work in kl. good things come to an end way faster than bad things. i can't agree more. a lil summary on my short escapade:

wednesday

took the 1030 bus back to pg. sat aeroline for the first time, and it was quite a pleasant experience despite the rude stuff i encountered when i 'checked in'. the bus company tries to emulate the flying concept, e.g. 'this is ur cabin steward, ABC and the captain is XYZ. the journey will take 4.5 hours. smoking is prohibited in the lavatory etc.' they served me subway breakfast and a choice of coffee or tea and each passenger is given a bottle of mineral water. it is a double deckered bus with a lounge and lavatory below.

ap picked me up from the station and dropped me back to my place. showered my baby. surprised my dad during dinner (told him i was comin back the next day). after dinner, something very dramatic and interesting happened. i'll leave that out. after the drama, went for a coffee in starbucks.

thursday

went sight seeing and food hunting around pg with ap, aster, max and jia ling. think ap blogged about this alraedy. after dinner with them, went home and was dragged out by my bro for a couple of beer in new world park.

friday

had lunch with jack in genting followed by coffee in old town. after that, went for penghwa laksa with muffy. made her follow me to jenni's to get my dad;s bday cake - dark belgian choc. off to gurney to walk around and ended up buying quite a number of stuff from this souvenir shop called 'arch'.

went back home and then met up with my extended family for dinner at starview. was constantly bombarded by questions of my ex, kinda screwed my head. had more red wine and smiled. ocassionally, threw a side glance at my bro and saw him smirking. (bro's the only one that knew we broke up. my whole family and neighbourhood adore him, it's quite hard for me to come clean with the break up.)

after dinner, went to bagan to meet up with the girls and the singaporeans. sook shuen psycho-ed me into clubbing in like 1 sec? so i thought i'll skipped the drinks and just wait to leave for mois. manatau, mann came and i guess we were gonna sit there a while longer. had a bottle of heinekken.

we went over to mois later that night, max couldnt get in coz he was wearing shorts. shuen and i tried to talk our way through *bat eyelashes* with the bouncer but i think he's gay. in the end, max and jia ling said they'll just walk around and asked us to go ahead. after 30 mins of standing there, we decided to just enter. called my friend, and he brought 5 of us in. then i bumped into another friend, then we ended up in the vip area. it was sOOO dead that night man.

basically to sum it all up, it was a good night (though i missed my song coz i couldnt find my girlfriends to get low with me) *pouts* red wine+beer+chivas+henessey = heaven. no matter how much i enjoyed that night, i dont think my feelings and emotions can beat that of the 15-yearold bro of a friend which i helped brought in. to quote him, 'it is the best time of my life'. why wouldnt it be? he got to danced with hot chicks who are at least 6 years his senior.

saturday

woke up at 8 for a photoshoot (slept at 4plus the previous night) at spice garden. an old friend, edwin recently approached me for a photoshoot but i wasn't really up for it. then he called me everyday and send me links to his work. after viewing his portfolio, i was quite surprised. i never knew he was into photography, thought he was just pullin my leg. i said yes because i know him, and i know nth's gonna happen to me. lol. unlike the previous photographer who approached me in kl, i chickened out in the end. thoughts of him drugging me, or maybe pouncing on me were running like mad across my head. lol. i know im paranoid.

went back home and napped for an hour only (god! i couldnt sleep) then went off to pick yy up to buy my bus ticket. went for tea at egate. had to cancel on pheishan and aud bcoz my mum started cooking when i came home. if i didnt stay for dinner, i think i can expect luggages packed with my clothes at my door step when i come home. din wana risk it. anyways, they'll be amking a trip down to kl. so i can still catch her then.

after dinner, jo whisked me away to upr. chilled at soi11 (new bar right opposite mois) and talked and played drinking games. ann came with carmen and their escorts but after a lengthy discussion they went into mois whereas the rest of us just stayed in soi. got wind that there'll be a raid and even saw quite a few policemen in the area, plus we were all tired from clubbing the previous night. so, jo, ap, sanjay, mrfullofhimselfdannyyeap and i played the drinking game that i proudly introduce everytime without fail. the monalisa game, invented by my friend. ajay added viking in it as well. that night was a great night as well, just that there were 2 girls that didnt drink. i wonder who.

sunday

went for brunch with the photographer coz i took one of his tools by accident. then had a smoke with sern and headed back home to pack my stuff. by 3.15 i was on the bus on the way back to kl already.

there goes my holiday. welcome shitty labwork.