im back in kl, currently in uni.. the moment i was walking to my hse, i felt soo damn sad.. its worse than how i felt when i came here for the first time, i didnt wanna leave pg.. that night i talked to krish, and i think i cried. gosh, i was homesick again. even for a day, sigh.. im useless.. but now im okay de, picking up where i left. resuming my sad life = study!! my parents are really funny la, they packed dim sum for me to bring to kl. actually, they expected me to eat during the journey.. but i was too lazy, even though i was damn hungry.. ahah typical me.. anyway the bus left pg at 2.30, and we reached kl at 8.45!!!!! and we didnt even egt down at pudu, they dropped us off in duta.. we had to take a bus to pudu, my god.. it was crazy, my body was aching dee.. that stupid driver took the pekan route in gopeng, we passed all the kampungs and all.. sigh, and then we were caught in the jam at various spots. i regretted not flying back

how's everyone back there? i ahd a great time in pg, had good food, good company.. actually i spent most of the time with krish, and also with mei, jo and reen.. and of course rufus.. haha.. jo, next time when i come back we must go clubbing kay? i'll bring along the gallopping horse *winks* meimei, u went to baskin on the 31st?? eng chuan said he saw u, i was there as well.. but diff time, ahha.. i bought a tub and i ate less than a quarter of it my dad is happily feasting on it as i type now, hmph.. okay, gtg dee.. need to renew my books in the lib~!~

i thought everything was settled back then also. but then again, as i meet new ppl and they tell me that u bitched about me, everything resurfaces. i was the one who kept quiet when u went to the WHOLE world crying and begging for sympathy. and when i started meeting new ppl, for eg michelle. i hung out with her without knowing how much she hated me. she didnt like me before this, i was ignorant. then one day she just told me, tracy has bitched bout u. she said this and taht.. and all, what wasI SUPPOSED TO DO? if course i told her my part of the story, and my part of the story was how u started not wanting to talk to me. and the next thing i know u begin to shun everyone. one day u just left sch, and u didnt go home. u brought ur mum to see my mum at the workplace and bitched about me. why cant u tell it to my face? and when i ap wanted to help settle this, what did you say to her? what top SEcret? i nvr had a top secret. what was the cause of all these shit? u said it was bcoz i was seeing chew chek and i didnt want anyone to know? heLLOE>??? i was talkin to cc but not to the extent of seeing him.. plus. u wanna know why i talk to cc in the first place? it was bcoz u and eric always fought and we had to help u guys settle the stupid fights..

firstly, i didnt influence influence my friends to hate u.. li ting didnt like u from the first day i met her.. if u dont bliv u can ask jan.. it was bcoz u said something to michelle when u were young.. when she was in f1 or f2.. mich went to liting and told her 'hey, u know tracy ar?' then of coz she doesnt.. then she told liting what u told her.. which u shld know better, so i t wasnt me,.. it was u urself.. i still remember hoe ur mum told me 'i heard that u influence ur frens to go after tracy' yeah, i was 17 all of us are.. u think i have the ability to influence everyone to go against you,?? why do u think ppl have prob with u? maybe u shld start reflecting urself.. anyway,. it was all well until u started ignoring us.. atfirst i thought u were just pms-ing.. so i told mei, tracy is not talkin to me.. bad mood ar? she said she doesnt know.. the next thing i know, u are not talkin to her either.. then u stopped talking to ru ting.. then ap, if im not mistaken u made her cry also. u carried this on, until one day reene couldnt take it and asked u to stop it..the day reen told u that was in the canteen, and u rushed back to class and called ur mum.. then ur mum fetched u back... but not HOME.. u wne tstraight to see MY MUM when she was working.. and bitched about me? u still dont see this? why did u react so badly when reen told u off?? well, i found out later that she was ur supporter from day 1. from the day u didnt wanna talk to me, u straight away called her everynight and cried to her.. she too hated me,,.. so u made mich and reen hate me in the first palce.. not me, u have the guts to say me.. and then reen really thoguth i was a bitch, then she saw how u reacted...

remember when ruting was asking everyone whether who wants to go for OBS?? u didnt reply, so she asked u 'tracy, do u wanna go to obs?" u still didnt answer, and ate ur bread with the lansi face. then she asked again 'tracy, do u wanna go to obs?' why did she dot aht? she was just being nice, and she doesnt wanna make u feel left out.. then u said 'no' fine.. so she went and buy food.. i was there with reen and a few others i thinkg.. then vivienne came and asked 'so, tracy u going to obs ar?' do u know what u said? i was fuckin pissed when i heard u said that, but i just calmed down coz i didnt wanna fight with u.. u said 'no la, i was NOT INVITED!!!" what do u mean by that?? u dont call that bithcy?

hohoho, ur cuz.. i forgot to tell u, i went out with liting last week, or maybe 2 weeks ago.. and we went out with her gang of friends.. which ur couz was in.. i bitched about u?? well, u might not know how genes run in the family.. ur cuz brought it up, he said sharon ar.. u know my couz always call me last time and cry about everything.. she used to cry about eric and u.. she used to say how u bitcehd about her and all.. AGAIN I WAS HIT WITH THE SAME THING.. NEW PPL COMIN UP TO ME TELLIN ME THAT U BITHCED ABOUT ME.. U THINK i have nth better to do ar? my first reaction was 'why am i not surprised???' then they asked me to tell them my part of the story.. not only mervin, but his whole entire friesnt.. it seemed that all of them heard about ur stories from mervin.. and tracy, when i said ENTIRE it really meant entire.. i didnt know u trusted ur couz that much, well i didnt spread about what u told me.. but he did, tat night everyone in the table heard, but noone seemed surpirsed, and i assumed taht he had told them about it b4.. so i told them what happened and how u started the fight with 'chew chek???  it still didnt make sense to me, why would u hate me? but i found out about it last week. u said u didnt bitched about me to mervin??? tracy, STOP LYING AND WAKE UP!! the first time i went out with liting and mervin and his friends.. he TOLD ME my cuz always bitch about u.. and he told me lotsa stories, and he asked me whether eric was the hottest guy in pg? i couldnt stop laughing when i hear that, even though deep down i was hurt and shocked by what u bitched about me.. he said u told him eric was the hottest guy and all the girsl are after him.. another lie..

well, i knew mich was damn shocked when i EXplained to her when she questioned me about  bithcing about me.. lets make this clear, for once.. i nvr bitche about u for nth... i only defended my self.. all these while, when i said something about u, its always when someone else started it off by tellin me that u bitched about me.. why are u talking as if i started it? u ahve short term memory zit? and wwhen i asked u about mich? i knew she was shocked and pissed that time.. but i didnt know she nvr spoke to u since that day.. well, it wasnt me that made her hate u.. it was u urself.. u started of by bitching about me remember? why are u blamin me? the reesaon why she was mad i guess was she fully trusted u when u bitched about me. but then whe became doubtful after we went out a couple of times.. then she asked me for my side of story.. u talked about me pretending? i really thought evertyhing was over. the first time going out with u, intially i was scared of u.. u put me thru hell, i shed so much tears bcoz u did hurt me when u started that cc thing.. but then u seemed like u have changed.. only when i met mich.. i knew how much u biotched about me.. and then there was mervin, again i was shocked.. from the moment i had my 9 months holi, from the time when i went to bali and came back and saw ur email... until the time when i went out with mervin.. i accepted u as my friend dee, as in i thought everything was over.. at one pt, my bf said i was dumpin him for u. that was when u came to my hse and told me something.. and i got soo worried for you and we even went to onestop to buy something..?

but the moment mervin blurted out then u ahted me and u told him this and that last month.. i was a bit hurt, i told him.. i thought u ahve changed.. go and check with him. then he said, she said alot of stuff even talked about ur bf.. and then i got furious.. for one thing im telling u, u hurt me over and over.. til the pt where mervin told me.. i didnt feel hurt anymore, i guess im immuned to it already.. but i admit i still do felt hurt alil, coz i thought from the beginning of the year u changed.. u called me damn often when u were in sing and talked about justin.. and when i told mei they were shocked.. then i was like, i think she's okay dee. then when u came back, the eric crisis started again.. i gave u my advice to stay away from him., then sarah, and i talked to u and listen to ur prob.. compared to ur probs, i dont think mine are actually problems.. tracy, i didnt call u in sing out of the blue.. it was u that started callin me.. then u called me soo often, and i thoguth that u needed a friend.. so one day, i took my dad's phone to call u.. i talked to u bcoz u were telling me about justin and all. and i felt like i was only listening, and maybe i could share with u..

liting didnt tell a single soul when she left, not even jan.. yes, both me and jan was hurt also.. then when i found out that she told krish i was also hurt, but then she told krish bcoz both of them were switching to law.. and they were supposed to help each other get into law using hsc.. so she found taylor's and told krish, but krish didnt wana go to kl.. so he stayed on, the betrayal was just a bit of jealousy.. but then again, it amde sense.. all these 'probs that i have are being amplified' .. yes u said about jac.. i didnt tell jac anything.. im not bothered bcoz she nvr came up with ' i heard tracy bitchin about u' so if nobodee comes up to me and tell me that IM a bitch, so im not bothered.. only when someone said those things that i find a need to defend myself.. yes, i was worried about imu, i asked about jac coz she's the only person i know who's going there. u assume mich Didnt take sides?? from the first day u bitched about her bout me, mich hated me deep down.. thats what she told me 'i thought u were such a bitch all along u know sharon. i didnt like u, but then when we hang out together it seemed u dont look bitchy.. so i wanted to hear ur explanation.. i told her the truth.

after last month, i really wanted to confront u.. i told mervin, are u sure she told u all these? that he said if noit how would i know so much? then i said i feel like confronting her.. then he said 'lets go together' but then, my bf asked me not to waste my time..  u still remember ur ex mike? when u guys were together krish saw him tellin ppl he was single and all.. then he told me.. krish told me never to tell u.. coz we didnt wanna break up ur relationship.. so fine, i kept quiet.. coz i knew if i told u u would hate me.. like what we did when u and eric were together.. me and mei told u that eric is not a nice guy.. and u said 'why are u trying to break us up? u guys are my good frens and u shld support whatever i do'??? wwhat the fuck?? after that me and mei vowed not to step in to ur relationship.. aftetr u broke up with mike, i told u about what krish said.. and i said 'its a good thing that u guys broke up, he isnt worth it' so that u feel better breaking up and what u did was the right choice.. BIUT u go and tell mike even after u guys broke up, and then mike came and asked krish to watch out?? WHAT the fuck is wrong?? i was pissed, of coz im not worried about krish.. he can crush mike up anytime but then its just u tellin mike that pissed me off..

tracy, i really do treasure our friendship.. ours was diff, it weas since young.. i really liked those zappel times.. but its just u, u always have to start something like this.. i knew it since f1. bcoz agi used to tell me how u bitched about me since f1. i didnt know u hated me that much, i dont know what i did.. serious, im really at lost.. u always said i bitch about u, but i tell u.. i swear my life i nvr bithc about u, inless i found that u bitched about me and i have to defend myself.. reen told me the real truth about the chew chek drama.. she said u told her that 'i was stiealing ur limelight.. then u had attn from eric and his friends but then that time i was the centre of attraction.. i din know attention was sooo imp to u, if u could have told me, i would have backed off and not talked to cc and save all the trouble.. its not like theyre imp in my life, its just that they are ur friends and whenever u and eric fight cc will call me and we'll try to settle things out.. i was doing that for u, but i guess u didnt see it.. u still think i was trying to steal ur friends.. no wonder u got pissed wehn cc started calling me too often. i guess u were scared that we'll couple.. even wehn i coupled with yy, u told them that i stiole him away from u.. then i saked yy, and he said he cant remember who tracy was.. i wanted to know wehter he liked u b4, if he really does i wont get invovled with him..

now that im with krish, i guess he has nth to do with u right./? but why must u tell mike and all?> i dont understand.. anyway, what listening u did to me?? bullshit.. i did a few times go to u,but that was always the time when u came to me first... my greatest listener of all are my bf, mei and ting.. they will listen but nvr bitch about me.. i really value the friendship we have, coz its diff. ive known u still young.. but then, like u said, i couldnt care less either.. im so sick of all these bitchings..

firstly ppl, to those who tagged.. i really appreciate ur efforts.. thanks for showing ur support to me.. i submitten my previous entry at abot 1 plus, and around 5 tracy called.. she said she read my blog and that jacqueline has read it as well.. jac had a talk to her and she advised tracy to call me and talk things out.. so thats why she called. she asked me whether we wanna settle things out, which i was more than happy to.. so firstly she told me she read my blog and she thinks it a huge misunderstanding.. bcoz all those ppl that came to me and told me about the bitchings are those ppl that she told back in f5. so she admitted that she did bitch about me to them, but that after the whole drama in f5 everything was over.

however, these ppl that i came across only told me this year and also last year. so she said it's a misunderstanding.. it was logical, i mean it's just that these ppl kept their grudges against me for a few years til they finally voiced it out to me. and thank god that they did, so that i can correct them and tell them my part of the story..

the next thing was the cause of the huge overrated drama in f5. she said that what i blogged was true.. that she indeed felt that i was stealing her limelight, and she apologised about it. but that time she said she was too blinded by eric and all to realise anything. again i accepted that. i mean, actually it's over.. i;d rather have a friend than an enemy if i could choose. and since she made the first move, which is very brave of her, something i respect, to apologize i guess i must be a bitch if i dont wipe away all these.

plus, she regretted that she dragged everyone into this. so to ap, reen etc, i guess u guys have already forgot about all these. so i guess for now, i can say that im putting all these behind me..

and i know i sort of dragged my bf into this as well, so krish if ure reading this.. i love u and thanks for the support.. he was more worried than me.. he was afraid that it will interfere with my studies and kept saying 'screw this shit' plus, for the past few days our relationship was on choppy waters.. one thing over another happened and he kept asking me to study and said that we shld have a long talk after my exams coz he didnt want me to slack.. but then again, we settled it dee. coz i cant wait for my exams to be over, lil things always trouble me.. so if everything snowballed, it;s worse. 

and to my readers, im damn damn flattered to know that ppl actually read my blog.. i still cant get over this baloon-ed head of mine.. ahaha, u guys are wonderful. those lil msges really light up my day, i dont know what to say. *hugs*

i guess this will be my last entry til early dec.. im sorry about the delay kay? ill be having my exams and my hse has no connection, so i have to come to uni to blog.. u guys take care as well kay?  

oh yeah one more thing, ahha.. actually this is kinda personal.. but ive been so hyped up about it that i need to tell someone.. ahah, me and krish had decided to 'start our relationship again'. i was complaining to him that i dont have memories of him going after me and all, so when i go back in dec, he's gotta have to start the whole courting process again.. ahha, it sounds fun.. im soo gonna torture him, i've already told him no kissing and all. he was skeptical at first but somehow he wanted  to do it so, well.. hmm, shall update u guys when the time comes, chaoz