i thought that i'd had a lot of readings to do since i haven't blogged recently, but it seems like everyone's as lazy as me.. hehe, actually even if i don't blog i do read and comment. so it's not that bad after all, but my life these few days have been terrible.. i had a lot of arguments (actually conflicts) with krish since his bday and i'd been feeling really sucky and screwed up. but finally we managed to clear things up today, and life has since returned to normal.. no more floods and the after effect (eyEs!!), something to rejoice actually. but i need my sleep badly, suffered from insomnia for a couple of days dee.. sorry for bothering ting thru these times, and thanks to my darling rufus for being around. im very thankful that i've got him, dogs do wonders when you're sad u know.. he'll come near you and start nudging your hands, show you his sympathetic face and will lick your entire face if he's within reach. plus, with his fur he's like a teddy bear.. i'd just put my head on top of the tiny fella and he won't even move an inch, sometimes i'm really worried that i might suffocate him though.

oh, ap: i did'nt send rufus for grooming because i trim abit only, i didn't cut everything.. whenever he eats his fur (beneath his mouth) will get dirty, so i just trim abit lo. then my mum said his fur covering his ears, then snip snip snip.. when i look at him after im done, i realised that he looked so silly. heheh today i climb up my wooden stool to get something, after i step down i accidently knocked the stool.. u can guess what happens after that right? it went directly down on my foot, and it's soo bloody painful. it's not any normal stool, the heavy type of wood one somemore.. haih, my dad massaged my like and put counterpain dee. it still hurts but at least it's cooling, better in a way.. going to get my body the sleep it was deprived from the past few days, good nite

im so sick, so damn sick.. i've been getting into arguments with krish since his bday.. yest we fought, and today i damn be shiok over a discovery.. i've yet to start the fight and im contemplating about it.. if i do, then things will get really nasty since we've been fighting every few days.. but if i don't i feel like i'm not letting it out.. sheesh.. sometimes i really wish and hoped that i'm single and free, i'm free from commitments and responsibilities. why? why did i want to bother to get hurt so often? life has been great even when i was unattached, and when i got hooked up with him things were okay too.. but now wverything seems wrong and wrong.. the frustration in me is eating up, slowly but it's snowballing. and i realised that i get irritated overy small stuff, there is this insecurity in me which i can't do anything to..

his comp ki siao so he couldnt go online, usually when he can't i'll check his mails and friendster for him.. so i went to check, and i saw his msg-es.. he's got a few admirers, but i dont really bother bout them.. i was going to log off when i saw that he has a mail in the trash folder, usually he doesn't delete mails. of course i was curious, so i went to check.. it was from a girl called nisha whom he texted her earlier.. he wrote 'you're so damn hot... wow' and she just replied with 'thanks' i was seriously fuming just now, but now im okay dee.. i mean, what the hell does he think he's doing?? if i saw this msg in the inbox i won't get so pissed u know.. it was in the trash!! he was planning to hide this from me, i know giving a compliment isn't a big deal.. but why must he delete this particular msg?? i totally be shiok that he tried to delete it lo, i feel like he's not being truthful and all.. i wanted to confront him and asked him what he was thinking but i felt like we've been fighting alot these few days and i don't want to make things worse.. on the other hand, i'm thinking whether i've had enough of these nonsense. i realised that i'm a kind of person that is not meant to be in a relationship, maybe it was a wrong choice from day 1.. but i really do love him though, but loving someone and being with him doesn't have to come together right? i mean if u can't find happiness, what's the point?? i'm confused.. lost..

alright, let's move on to something else.. on a brighter note, i went hiking today with mei!! went to the bj hill, but today was the worst.. we never took so long before, actually it's my fault. i was feeling really dizzy, the whole way up.. usually even if i do feel dizzy, it's in the end when i reached the top.. but today right from the foot of the hill everything seems to be spinning. hmm, that freaked me out.. but something else also freaked me out today, there's a weirdo who was also hiking.. this fella asked me 'you're very tired ar??' when he walked past us.. and he wasn't being friendly or what, he was creepy.. then when we reached the top, we sat down at a bench.. there was a couple sitting at the bench opposite us (about less than 2 metres away). then suddenly the weirdo came and he stood in front of us, next to the bench.. then he saw that the bench was occupied and moved away.. as i was talking to mei, suddenly she said 'let's leave'. then i was like 'okay'.. so we got up and left, she told me that the weirdo just sat down in front of us.. but i didnt see.. eyye.. he looks like a nerd but a bit screw loose like that one (no offense jan).. pg is not safe u know.. anyway, im very tired dee.. must go and oink oink.. hopefully when i get up tmr, i'll be trouble-free

i got pissed at him again yesterday over a very smal matter, well it wasnt small at that time.. but thinking back i felt that i've been to emotional, haih. after that we talked and things were okay dee, i apologised for trying to pick up a fight over nothing and over my alleged 'accusations' whatso ever.. i was nice enough to kowtow to him dee then he started blabering and nagging. he asked me what did he do? why did i say those things and etc.. basically he's trying to tell me that im wrong and guilty and all but hello??? i've already said sorry right? what am i supposed to do? what does he expect me to do? i hate it when someone keeps repeating whatever they are saying again and again esp when they're nagging you and all. seriously, that totally spoiled my mood.. after that he realised that i've been unusually quiet and asked me what's wrong? so i just said 'nothing' and continue to be quiet. i can't help it that i was moody at that time and had no interest in talking right? then he told me he wanted to go to sleep and we hung up.. in an hours time, it's gonna be our 9 month anniversary. hopefully we wont end our conversation like the day before..

last night when i reached out to get my phone in the dark something stung me.. i was going to sleep dy, so all the lights were off and i wanted to check something on the phone. some insect stung me and the pain was soo bad, i reached for it with my ohter hand and threw the insect away.. i had no idea where i threw it but when i switched on my lights i cant find it. my arm was so swollen and red, it felt like a bee sting..but i knew it was a tiny insect, not very tiny but smaller than a bee la. must be that roven beetle or whatever u call it, i hate those bugs!! now it's so red and itchy, you feel so tempted to scratch it but you're afraid that it'll be worse.. i hate that feeling, haih  

i watched ms congeniality 2 yesterday with krish, iwe wanted to watch hitch at first but couldnt get good seats.. it's okay la, but i guess the first 1 was better. i find most sequels can't match up to the first ones for some reasons, anyway we went to eat at the chicken rice shop.. i was quite sceptical about it at first, i mean franchised chicken rice?? i'd prefer the chicken rice from the kopi tiams over this classy and pricey type, not that it's very classy but compared to the stalls of coz la. krish has been pestering me to eat there for quite some time but each time i said no, but yesterday i gave in.. i wanted to stay in gurney for a while because tracy told me she's going there with her bf, yeah she got a bf. so of coz im dying to see how her bf looks like, i 'sacrificed'.. but then, it wasn't too bad la. ehhe, damn filling.. halfway eating, tracy came with her mike. hehehe, he's okay ler.. not bad lookin with curly hair and typical chinese looks. i dont exactly know how long are they together but i guess its about 1-2 weeks if im not mistaken..

today after showering rufus i went to take my nap, then i was woken up by krish.. he called me and then i went back to sleep, not long after that my dad barged into my room and demanded to know whee his hp was. i told him somewhere la, then he was screwing me for no reason and i was too sleepy to bother also.. he came back in 30 secs and said he found his phone dee, it was on the table.

after that i went back to sleep feeling disturbed and my phone rang again, this time it's mann.. he heard my voice and asked me why am i sounding so dead, told him i was sleeping and he asked me whether i want him to call me back and i said don't need. so he wanted to know more about SAT coz he might be going to US, i told him that the math is easy but verbal can kill him.. i gave him examples of question and told him that the revision book is as thick as kamus dewan but it's not as compressed so it shuld be less. he asked me where to get the book, so i told him he can buy or borrow.. i told him to borrow from his ssi friends and he said none of them went to US, so i told him i borowed from a friends of mine, ai ping. then i realised that he knows ap too, so i said eh, if u want i can take for u if u talk to her.. then he went like, eh, how u know ap? i told him that u were in sggs and we are close friends, then he went like Oh.... ap: i told him that i even know that he had a crush on u , hahah. he went like GOd we were just in jr sch and all and he became so defensive, so funny la.. then i guess later he hung up feeling freaked out and intimidated by me in a way, 1st SAT 2nd AP. muahahha, am i mean